2 Doors Down bottomless fries burger - 17/25

After what felt like a thousand hours on the grassplains of South Dakota and Nebraska, I was jonesing for a decent burger.

A quick survey of the locals (including a pair who specialise in car repairs due to damage caused by frequent hail in these parts, yes really) uncovered 2 Doors Down, a dedicated burger diner/restaurant a short walk from my motel in the centre of Cheyenne, Wyoming. Their vibe is cool, fresh and genuine and they set out their stall early with a claim to have been "Flippin' great burgers since 2009".

Just like Gourmet Burger Kitchen back in the UK, you order from a blackboard menu at the front, take a number flag and from then on it's table service all the way. There's a few key differences though, the standard drinks fountain (soft drinks, coke, lemonade etc) is bottomless but, potato lovers, so are the fries. Whenever a member of staff wanders by they latch onto an empty looking vessel, spirit it away and return with more of the same. It's a gimmick, but a great one.

The Bird 'Ghetto on a Good Day' Burger - 19/25

The more places I see, the more it reinforces how incredibly important personality becomes in a restaurant. Branded chains drown under a wave of greying conformity, no matter how brightly coloured their arches. Mom & Pop places should have personality oozing given their independence and owner/operator control, but too often they make no statement at all and end up just as grey and forgettable as the generica.

In any endeavour where you want to have people take away positive memories and experiences , you can't do that unless somebody somewhere in the organisation puts a big old stake in the ground and says This is what we are about. It doesn't have to be complex (it's usually better not) or be grand, but as long as you have something concrete to hang your business, band or restaurant off that's what matters and it's what will lift you out of the murky depths of average.

The Bird had it in spades for me. It's an idiosyncratic pub just South of Jackson, Wyoming. Opened in 2010 by two New Yorkers via Berlin it's become the #1 Restaurant on Tripadvisor in Jackson (all this I found out after the fact as I was tipped off by some locals from my namesake town earlier in the day when I enquired 'who makes the best burgers around here' and got told, "Hands down, The Bird").

Big Jud's Double Rodeo Burger - 13/25

Big Jud's is a small chain of Idaho burger joints whose chief claim to fame is the 1lb Burger and multiples thereof, as seen on Man Vs Food. Call me a wuss but, I didn't fancy ploughing my way through one of those bad boys (1lb of beef isn't a problem, it's the 1lb again of topppings, sauces and cheese that puts me off) I compromised and went with a Double Rodeo Burger (basically an onion ring, bacon + homegrown BBQ sauce, layered twice as it's a double).

All quiet on the Western Burger front

The keener foodies among you (no names no pack drill Beef), might have noticed a distinct lack of Burger updates from last few weeks. Fear not, I am still attempting to ferret out the good stuff, but of late it's been a pretty poor showing with only distinctly average fare presented. I took an executive decision (because hey, it's only me, it's my damn blog and my mission) to only write up the good stuff as no-one remembers that which only hits the giddy heights of good enough.

Herewith the scores on the doors so far. The calibration is holding steady, with GBK firmly mid-table.

Joint	Score	Total	%
Fish & Farm	20	25	80.0%
Ford's Real Hamburgers	16	25	64.0%
Cherry Cricket	19	30	63.3%
GBK	15	25	60.0%
Crown Burger	17	30	56.7%
True Grit	13	25	52.0%
Boss Hog	15	30	50.0%
Polkers Gourmet	11	25	44.0%

Fish & Farm 'Secret Sauce' Burger - 20/25

Fish & Farm is one of those restaurants within a hotel, in this case the Hotel Mark Twain in downtown San Francisco. It came to my attention as a winner of a San Francisco burger shoot out in 2009. Could it still cut the mustard?

Polkers Gourmet Burger - "The Mexican" - 11/25

Just down the street from where I'm staying in San Francisco, the magic words are writ large above the door; Polker's Gourment Burgers - Polker because I'm on Polk Street. Well, it would be rude not to.

Ford's Real Hamburgers, Sacramento - 16/25

Ford's Real Hamburgers is a classic counter style diner in the suburbs of Sacramento, hiding behind a Starbucks. The joint came to my attention from a recommendation in Jamie Jensen's Road Trip USA as a "truly great old burger place".

The Crown Burger - 17/30

The Crown Burger came to my attention via the always entertaining Man vs Food show, in which intrepid food journo Adam Richman travels the US in search of outrageous food challenges and great places to eat (think Extreme Fishing with Robson Green, but with food). Crown Burger is basically a small chain of fast food restaurants around the Salt Lake City area. Their speciality is burger topped with a fistful of hot pastrami...

The True Grit Burger - 13/25

The original True Grit featuring old bandy legs himself was filmed in these here parts, so eating lunch at the bar of the honorific True Grit cafe in Ridgway surrounded by images of Mr Wayne seemed too good to miss.

The Boss Hogg Burger - 15/30

Driving through the resort community of Pagosa Springs (most people who live here have 2 or 3 homes) my eye was drawn to an establishment going by the name of Boss Hog's Restaurant & Saloon. Walls were covered in dead heads and antlers and the menu comes as faux antique olde worlde newspaper. Locally reared Burger + Bacon avec Frings et BBQ sauce was duly ordered and, as I'm now coming to expect, arrived deconstructed with the salad to one side. Usual condiments present.

The Cherry Cricket Burger - 19/30

So, the scoring begins. Back in the UK, when a bar describes itself as 'American Style', The Cherry Cricket is what they have in mind. Almost Cheers-esque in it's good time crowd, decor and simple pleasures. As recommended by Man vs Food, I went for the standard 1/2lb burger and partnered it with Frings (Fries + Onion rings) for just under $12.

Calibration's what you need

So, in order to calibrate The System and give a useful benchmark to refer back to, I visited my local Gourmet Burger Kitchen in Milton Keynes.

They have many fine burgers on the menu featuring such specialities as The Jamaican (mango and ginger relish), The Wellington (horseradish, rocket and mushroom) and the signature Kiwi Burger (not made of small ground dwelling rare birds but piled with beetroot, egg, pineapple, aged cheddar, salad, mayo and relish).

So that I wouldn't be distracted by exotics, I plumped for a basic BBQ burger and 'small' fries. Usual price would be just under £10, but thanks to a discount voucher site I got all in for a very reasonable £5.95

There is no spoon but there is a scoring system

Humans are largely creatures of habit and partition. We like to know what's what, who's who and where things are. Some of us even invest a little energy where the real juice is, in 'why'. Labelling and boxing up stuff helps our brains model and process information quickly. Without that ability the sheer volume of input streaming across our cortex into the thalamus would utterly overwhelm any ability to respond rationally or fast enough to make a difference.